


past the limits

by thedisasternerd



Series: heavy blue [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, BAMF CC-2224 | Cody, Bittersweet, Character Study, Everyone Needs A Hug, Fluff, Heavy Angst, M/M, Obi-Wan Kenobi is a Mess, Post-Canon, Post-Order 66, Reunions, come @ me, flangst incoming, force walkies, fucking @ me dave, hello boyos, i'll fight you, rex and cody being brothers, that bitch is a beefcake and will fight anyone who gets between him and Obi-Wan, there needs to be a tag for that where is it, when is he not
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-29
Updated: 2020-05-01
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:35:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23911669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thedisasternerd/pseuds/thedisasternerd
Summary: Cody can’t breathe. His ears are ringing as he slowly pulls his helmet off, letting it drop to the ground next to the blaster. He takes one step forward, then another, heart pounding in his chest, a raw staccato against his ribs. Obi-Wan looks up at him, eyes so blue, and Cody drops to his knees.“Hello there.” Obi-Wan whispers, voice hoarse from disuse, eyes red-rimmed and fever-bright. They’re only inches away from each other, but it feels like a galaxy squeezed in between them, taut and ready to burst. Cody stares at him, into those familiar eyes, but their blue glass is now cracked, shattered, still recognisable for what it once was but never the same again.---Even after everything, after the galaxy got between them, they will find each other. And they do.
Relationships: CC-2224 | Cody & CT-7567 | Rex, CC-2224 | Cody/Obi-Wan Kenobi
Series: heavy blue [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1725289
Comments: 78
Kudos: 698





	1. don’t know where you are (you’ll have to come and find me)

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this in maybe ten sittings, 11,000 words in less than three days, which is a personal record, I think.  
> Anyway, this thing was a fucking,,,mess to format, which I resent. Please appreciate my efforts; it was originally going to be a tame little thing, about 5k max, and then. This happened. For the sake of your sanity and mine, I split it into three more manageable chapters.  
> Also, I would like to @ dave filoni for stabbing my heart, repeatedly. thanks, man, care to duel?  
> Many thanks to Beowulf and Nemo, aka my two best friends, for cheering me on, as always. Shoutout to Beowulf for regularly dropping f-bombs when I updated him on the length of this fic every hour or so. 
> 
> This is, however, not beta'd, so any and all mistakes are mine.
> 
> I hope you enjoy reading...

> _'Cause I'm past the limits_
> 
> _The distance between us_
> 
> _It sharpens me like a knife_
> 
> _So hold me tight, or don't._

He still doesn't know what happened.

Well, he _does_ , if he thinks hard enough about it. After all, Bail told him. Yoda told him. He _saw_ it with his own two eyes. He felt it, too. _Felt_ the fade, how millions of souls were wiped away. He felt it when his body slammed into the water, still feels it in the bruises, running icy-hot all over his chest. He felt it in the way his heart clawed at his throat, the way the 'saber seared across his skin, felt it when he heard all those _screams_.

And the whisper- the whisper follows him. It's etched into his brain by now, black letters dripping blood from gaping blaster holes. 

_Good soldiers follow orders._

His hair stands on end.

Then, it all narrows, tunnel vision with no light at the end, and feels the _ache_ in his head, his heart, his entire body, and- and- 

He slumps. In his arms, Luke grizzles, eyes screwed shut, mouth red, yawning open, demanding. The sound is getting to him, already, even as he shushes the infant, rocking him back and forth, back and forth, as he paces back and forth, back and forth. It feels a lot like the truth hasn't settled in yet. Like he's just. Waiting. He doesn't know what for.

He feels their minds burning, still, even after they... stopped. Burning and then snuffing out, like candles. Millions upon millions. All of them. Slipping away, like a stone into a silent, bottomless pool, barely a ripple showing on the surface. 

_Good soldiers follow orders._

The whisper isn’t even his own voice - it’s the combined whisper of millions of suddenly blank troopers, all of them empty save for those four words.

Then...after that- fever-hot sickness, burning and screaming, far too earnest _I hate you!_ s, her, lying there, like a still-life - oh, the irony. Once he would have laughed. Once. A few days and yet a century ago, when he still had hope. 

Looking at the tiny being in his arms, burbling sleepily, he supposes that although _he_ doesn't have hope anymore, the universe does. With that, he puts Luke, a tiny beacon of _possibility_ incarnate, into the cot, all small pudgy fists and tufty hair, oh so very _tiny_. Helpless, at the mercy of a cruel galaxy. Then again, Luke may be small, but his yells are loud. Someone might hear them; someone might take heed. Or someone might silence them.

He sits back down. The world swims. The Force is an orchestra of _darkness_ , oppression, cackling laughter - and a huge, empty void. His heart feels too small yet too big, his chest constricting, folding in on itself, yet breaking open, showing his raw, still-beating heart for the world - or what's left of it - to see.

Looking out beyond the viewport, no longer showing the blue streaks of hyperspace, he doesn't see the stars. He sees the endless, gaping _void_.

Really, all he wants is the pain to - stop. But he doesn't deserve that. It's his fault that _he_ , no, Anakin, _Anakin_ , because he doesn't deserve denial. It's his fault that Anakin fell. So he must pay for it, in a small way. But above all, he has to fix his own mistakes.

And that will hurt most of all, because he can't.

* * *

He gives Luke away. It's almost worth it; the smiles on their faces in exchange for the fear in their eyes. Almost.

They point him in the direction of the caves. There's a dwelling there, empty now, they say. It's hidden, away from view, deep in the desert. He almost asks - hidden from _what?_ Or, what's _being_ hidden?

He is, of course. _He_ is what scares people. This should be for protecting him from the- the _Empire_ , but really, he thinks, it's for the protection of everyone else from him, too.

Finding it is, nonetheless, easy; he potters around, sets the agripod up, listening to it whirr. Then, he strips the place free of everything that he doesn't need. He leaves some time after dawn, the twin suns still climbing up the horizon but almost at their zenith. He packs only one stale loaf of bread and a bottle of water, and then sets off down the tiny, barely-there path into the caves. 

He wanders through them for a length of time that he doesn't count, simply existing alone with the darkness around him, not even switching his 'saber on. The howls of the krayt dragons ring out above his head, echoing through the endless chambers. He stumbles, again and again, the uneven ground tripping him up - despite everything that he learnt before, his "grace" and "quick reflexes" (both are gone, now), he loses his balance and falls numerous times. Only sometimes does he manage to catch himself, his hands scraping against the rough walls. He feels the blood well up, hot and welcomed. The rest of the time, he ends up on his knees, or on his side, over and over until he's scratched and bruised. 

Sometimes he just- gives in and curls up in the darkness, 'saber stabbing into his leg. 

_At least I still have a leg,_ comes the dim thought, a fact floating past in his mind's eye, no emotions attached to it anymore. Or not yet, at least.

But - his heart _hurts_. He _hurts_. So _much,_ and it _won't stop_. It won't stop because he _can't stop_.

The tears don't come, though. They won't come. They can't. They never did, really.

He finds the most peaceful chamber, eventually. Where the Force is quiet, a smooth lake. Pure and clear, strong but transparent. High, high above his head, light filters in through tiny cracks in the walls of the cavern. They cast just enough light to see by, enough to reflect off the surface of the giant pool in the middle of the space. He stares up, blinking at the sight. At the delicate beams of pale gold shivering on the walls, slicing perfectly through the water.

For a moment, or a decade, frozen in time, he forgets. His footsteps echo as he walks towards the pool, kneels down, putting a hand in the water. It laps around him, cool, silky, untainted until the moment when his blood begins to cloud it.

Then, for the first time, he begins to cry.

It's ugly. He can feel his face twisting into a grotesque scream, almost. He feels _raw_ , like a live wire, like an exposed wound; he feels raw like his palms, pressed into his face, his tears searing them.

An eternity later, at the end of the universe, it all stops.

* * *

The next few weeks? (days? months? he doesn't know anymore) pass as a blur. He doesn't eat much, drinks only a little. He sits on the floor of the dwelling and meditates, ceasing to exist in his corporeal body. He cries in the giant chamber, the light setting fire to his soul - or what's left of it - again. He sits out on the sands at night, krayt dragons screeching around him, head tipped upwards towards the sky, searching for something that he doesn't know the name of in the myriad of burning points in the sky.

They were all like that. Beautiful. Burning bright but countless. Each unique, each forming a different constellation.

He looks up at the brightest one, the one right above his head, and thinks about _him_ about- all the nightmares, his voice blank as he barks out the words, _blast him_ , over and over, the way his mind slipped away, gone, just. _Gone_.

 _Cody_ , he whispers to himself, in the depths of the night, when no-one else can hear. _Cody_.

The day after he actually eats properly, almost throwing up the food as soon as he gets it down, he goes down to the cave with his lightsaber and the sharpest tool he owns. He ignites the 'saber, setting it down beside him, it's cool blue glow diffusing over the rock face, and gets to work.

The first name takes him about half an hour, maybe a little more. His arms hurt, shoulders aching, but he does it again, over and over and over, until he's done maybe a tenth of all the names. By then, all natural light is gone and he has to navigate the darkness by saberlight. He sets it down in front of him, its low hum a small comfort as he rummages through his almost empty pack. When he finds the bread and canteen of water, he sits down, nibbling at the bread, wincing at the taste, before taking a cautious sip of water. Then, he curls up in the corner for a brief rest. 

When he wakes up, the light is back, carving patterns into the darkness, as if through the bars of a cage. He feels vaguely nauseous so he props himself up against the cave wall, body aching more than usual. The bottle of water snaps into his outstretched hand and he manages a few mouthfuls.

He gets back to work.

It's difficult, and the dust gets into his eyes. Eventually, he's forced to go back out, into the blinding sunlight, then into his dwelling. He finds a pair of goggles, eats some more. Finds that he doesn't have any food left. That earns him a trip to Mos Eisley, a long, arduous bartering session with an incredibly stubborn twi'lek, an almost-fight with a particularly aggressive zabrak, and a few trecks under scorching hot sunlight. He's almost a third of the way back when he realises that he brought enough money for a speeder and has to go back. The rest of the day is spent arguing with the dealer; he ends up negotiating a fairly decent price, if somewhat too high, truth be told, but he's too tired to fight about it. The speeder itself is a rusty but workable old thing and he kicks it into motion easily. He's home - since when has the hut been _home?_ \- by midnight and all but collapses into his cot. 

Sleep doesn't come. It never does, when he's this exhausted. 

Hazy images float in front of him, the hut's ceiling replaced by emotions and screaming and _loss_ and _good soldiers follow orders-_

Someone is screaming. It doesn't sound like- like Anakin, like Vader, or the Jedi in his head, or the younglings, or the. The. _Everyone else_ , all those _lives-_

It's him. He's the one screaming.

He barely manages to find the waste tube before the meagre contents of his stomach end up inside it. Even then, his entire body roils, head pounding, eyes swollen shut.

The floor seems very, very comfortable. 

Turns out it's actually not. At all.

He hauls himself to his feet and staggers over to the sink, rinsing his mouth out and splashing cool water over his face. He feels too hot, burning, burning, _everything's burning-_

He barely manages to make it to the cot before everything goes black.

In a rare moment of lucidity, he finds the pills, swallowing them dry. He forces some water into himself just before he collapses again, into waking nightmares and overpowering heat and _burning, burning, burning_.

It's a jumble of names, faces, screams, accusations, fire, water, drowning, burning, scars, reassurances, kisses, hugs, all three gone with the whisper of _good soldiers follow orders, good soldiers follow orders_.

Padmé. Rex. Ahsoka. Boil, Waxer, Hardcase, Fives, Wooley, Longshot, Fox, Ponds, Bly, Gregor, Trapper, Echo, he could name all of them but all of them gone, somewhere, dead, alive, with the Force, he doesn’t know. _So many more_. Luke. Leia. Breha. Bail. Yoda. Plo. Kit. Aayla. Mace. Satine. Qui-Gon. Quinlan. Siri. A vague face that could be his mother, a father, a sister, a brother-

 _Anakin_. 

_Cody_.

Cody, _Cody_ , who's smiles didn't come easily, and each time he would, it was like the sun rising, shy, over a new world. Obi-Wan was mesmerised, unable to look away, and that smile would slowly turn into a smirk, complete with glittering eyes. Cody was like a Loth-wolf, calm until provoked; then, he was merciless, eyes hard, teeth bared in a snarl. Obi-Wan had seen him like that once, Cody with a gash up his side, face streaked with dust and blood, blacks grey and glistening wetly with the same. He had seen the sheer _power_ of his rippling muscles, been pinned by it, been carried by it, saved by it. There were stories that Cody was a personal favourite of Jango Fett, praised for his efficiency and ruthlessness. A true embodiment of the Mandalorian spirit. 

"That's not true," Cody says, smoothing back Obi-Wan's hair, smile gentle, none of his ferocity, at least, not yet. The white lights of the Medbay makes his hair darker at the core but there's a halo of lighter wisps around his head. "I am no Mandalorian. After all, what Mandalorian would die for a Jedi, Obi-Wan?"

"But I'm no Jedi." He whispers. "I'm not anyone."

Cody smirks, teeth bloody. 

"No," Suddenly, it's not Cody, it's a wolf staring down at him as he hangs on the edge of a precipice. "No you're not."

Anakin's eyes follow him as he falls.

* * *

He finally, _finally_ comes to some time later. According to the chronometer, it's been five days.

He barely manages to get up. Takes a sip of water, regrets it as his stomach rolls. Swallows some more pills. Takes a small bite out of the bread.

Three days later, he's stabbed himself with enough antibac - he’s not actually sure that it helps - and stims to be able to go out of the hut, cook, and provide for himself. Another five and he feels better, actually functional mentally. Two more and he sets up a training course, of sorts, in the caves. A few scratched targets. Not much else. A bar in the narrowest place which he can barely hang off of, now.

He needs to be ready. They could come at any moment. He has to protect Luke; it's the sole purpose of his life, now. 

He has to protect Luke.

Turns out that he doesn't do what he promised himself he would do. More often than not, all he does is lie there, next to the water. He still hasn't finished the names; he can't. There are _so many_.

 _What would Cody have wanted?_ He thinks viciously, body still unmoving. _He would’ve wanted you to do something, to carry on, and yet._

A month later, maybe more, maybe less, his sense of time has been completely screwed with, he manages to scrape together enough willpower to _do something_. First a few simple exercises; he looked like a skeleton, even bundled into numerous tattered robes, when he caught sight of himself in one of the mirrors on sale in Mos Eisley. So bit by bit, he recovers himself. Only partially, though. Nothing will ever heal him again, ever. Only the impossible.

Maybe two months after that, somewhere around half a year... _after_ , he goes back down and starts on the names again. He still remembers all of them, somehow. About a week, maybe two, later, he finishes them. The entire cavern is covered in dust, so he gets a makeshift broom and sweeps it clean, wipes down the walls with a wet rag, torn from a tunic he bought for scrap material. The activity takes him several hours, but it’s worth it.

The names cover most of the surface. Big, small, uneven, a patchwork of lost souls. 

His eyes drag to the two that he's placed right where the brightest light falls at mid-day. He can't help it, the way he's drawn to them. He can never walk away, will never forget.

 _Anakin Skywalker_ , reads the first, scratched with a shaky hand deep into the rock.

And then, a simple, heartbroken, _Cody_.

_My love, my light, my heart. Half of my soul._

He wants to believe that maybe, _maybe_ , they will all come back. That he'll come back. That they'll be back together, hand in hand, walking into the sunset.

 _Together_.

He sinks down to the floor and weeps.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> more chapters coming soon; stay tuned! They're written and just need to be edited some more, but should be up within a week, if not the next few days.  
> quote at the start is from Hold Me Tight Or Don't by Fall Out Boy, chapter title from Polarize by Twenty One Pilots.


	2. I think I lost my halo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to explore Cody's character a bit (a lot) - although it's fairly well known that he's a scarily competent soldier with tumble-weed dry humour and the sarcasm that is inherent in every single character in tcw, I wanted to explore his capabilities, his loyalties, his principles, and to what _extents_ he would go. Anyway, read on!

Cody wakes up.

Disorientated, he begins his usual list. Breathe in, out, hold, don't panic, make a list. Just like Obi-Wan said.

  1. **He has a blistering headache**.



It’s in the side of his head, though, not his scar, not its occasional dull ache. Not a migraine, either. It’s a sharp _stabbing_ pain that doesn’t get worse when he opens his eyes, thankfully. 

  1. **He’s in a bacta tube.**



The mask is digging into his face, and _ow_ , he’s never liked that. A cursory glance at his body shows no obvious injuries that he can see, so that excludes his back. None that he can’t remember getting, at least.

  1. **He can’t remember anything about what happened before he got here.**



He's confused. He can't remember. _Anything_. He racks his brains, scrabbling at faint outlines of events. His headache flares up again. He must’ve gotten a blow to the head, then, which explains the amnesia - he hopes that it's temporary, if there's one thing he's terrified of, besides losing his general, is losing his memory.

His most recent memory seems to be Utapau. They were there hunting Grievous, he, Obi-Wan and the 212th. About the 501st - he can’t remember. Before that, he remembers the general coming out of nowhere to save him, then general Skywalker appearing in front of them. But on Utapau, after that - the general was pulling his crazy shit again, riding around on that varactyl, dropping his lightsaber, being his usual idiotic self. Then. He must've gotten injured. He hopes the general isn’t too worried. He knows that if he was in Obi-Wan’s place and Obi-Wan in his, he’d probably have set up camp in the medical chamber and been worried sick.

  1. **He’s not on the** ** _Negotiator._**



He doesn’t recognise the room. The other tubes around him are empty, save for one at the end - it takes him a second to realise that it’s _him_ , a reflection in a mirror. The room itself is empty, too, a thin corridor with a few control panels and two heavy durasteel doors. 

He’s not on any other ship, either - not one that he knows, at least. 

The panic sets in, then. He forces himself to calm down, keep breathing through the mask. He wants out. 

_Make a list_ , Obi-Wan had told them all once, far too composed for someone who was propped up and all but bleeding out, _Make a list of everything you see, hear, feel, smell, even taste. It helps and you won’t panic so much. You will know your surroundings, will be able to...to,_ he’d started coughing up blood at this point and they’d all ended up finishing his sentence in different ways.

 _To escape_ , some said.

 _To run,_ others whispered.

 _To fight back_ , Cody had thought _, to protect the general to the last_.

  1. ******Where is the general? Where’s Obi-Wan?**



He doesn’t know. Obi-Wan could be dead, but no, Cody would be able to _feel_ that. He doesn’t know why, or how, or even when - but he’d know if the general was dead.

It’s odd. Cody knows that many troopers would be more than willing to die for their general. He would, Rex would, hell, even Fox ( _smitten idiot_ ) would, for general Vos. Bly, Wolffe, Ponds, so many more. 

But Cody knows that he, marshal commander Cody of the 212th, is _ruthless_. He wouldn’t just die for his general, he’d _kill_ , he’d burn, he’d destroy, he’d annihilate _anyone_ who even _thought_ about hurting his general, his Jedi, his Obi-Wan. He knows that on a level that’s _wrong_ , that Obi-Wan wouldn’t want that, he’s too kriffing _kind_ for that, burdened with a rare empathy that makes him take on everyone’s problems, the world’s issues, onto himself. That’s what Cody’s there for, among other things - to make sure that he doesn’t collapse under the weight.

He remembers Maul, Dooku, Ventress, so many others, all of them hurting his Jedi in some way. He’d even wanted to deck Skywalker, once, but had held himself back. Rex had put a hand on his shoulder and only then had he realised that he was practically _vibrating_ with suppressed rage. 

He can’t help his snarl at the memories, but regrets it anyway when the mask digs into his face again, sending a fresh stab of pain through his head.

  1. ******Why isn’t he being taken out of the tube if he’s no longer sedated?**



He _could_ try kicking at the walls to get someone’s attention but he doesn’t want to risk it. In any case, he can feel the tell-tale _pull_ upwards now as he’s dragged up, out of the bacta.

Cody closes his eyes, nauseous at the sudden vertigo. He _hates_ being stuck in bacta. He waits until the goop drains away from him before scrabbling at the mask and ripping it off, more goo dripping awkwardly into his eyes - he scrubs it away, shivering in the sudden cold, and squints at his surroundings.

“ _Rex?_ ” he blurts, surprised. “Where am I? Where’s the general? What happened?”

Rex doesn’t answer. He’s got at least a month’s worth of stubble, dark compared to the fading blond of his hair. He’s not wearing armour or blacks, but _civvies_ \- and he looks _exhausted_ and- _distrustful_ , almost.

Cody glances around, confused. They're not on a ship, he'd be able to tell by the noise and the distant vibrations under his feet. They're in a white-walled chamber, well, once white, now the walls are cracked and sort of off-white-yellow. A medidroid hands him a towel and he wraps it around his shoulders, trying to rub some warmth into himself.

“Good soldiers follow orders.” Rex mutters, in lieu of an answer.

And with that, the world comes crashing down.

* * *

  1. **The Jedi are dead.**
  2. **Skywalker is - a Sith.**
  3. **Obi-Wan nearly killed him - Skywalker, that is. Gods.**
  4. **Senator Amidala is dead. Most of the galaxy is, too, apparently, as are the Jedi.**
  5. **Ahsoka is - somewhere, Rex won’t tell him where.**
  6. **All their brothers are - wiped, just like he was, with chips in their heads, oh** ** _gods_** **, and he, he** ** _shot down_** **his general.**
  7. **_He shot down his own general._**
  8. **He broke his oath to rather die than hurt his general.**
  9. **Rex has taken away any and all sharp objects.**
  10. **Obi-Wan is** ** _alive_** **but Rex won’t karking** ** _let him see him or anything._**
  11. **He decked Rex.**
  12. **Rex sedated him.**
  13. **He can’t sleep at night anymore without getting sedated.**
  14. **Rex said that it was partially Obi-Wan’s fault-**
  15. **Cody decked Rex. Again.**
  16. **Cody proceeded to punch the life out of Rex. Rex had fought back, and they ended up wrestling on the floor, hurling insults at each other.**
  17. **They - the other rebels - dragged them apart, screaming and flailing. Someone jabbed him in the neck and he passed out.**
  18. **_Your boytoy is alive, Codes_** **, Rex had spat, eyes unforgiving, after that.** ** _My general is gone, and you know it’s his fault._** ****
  19. **Cody ignored him for all of ten minutes, lying on his cot, body aching.**
  20. **_It’s not his fault_** **. He’d answered, eventually, after the urge to break Rex’s neck had passed,** ** _It was Skywalker’s choices that got him there. Stop blaming my general for everything._**
  21. **He had received a severe back injury maybe a month and the rebels had managed to pick him up, courtesy of Rex. They'd taken the chip out.**
  22. **He's on a rebel base somewhere in the general vicinity of the Alderaanian system**



The list goes on. Cody catalogues everything in it, the numbers scrolling past in his brain, a comfort, something real among shattered, grey-scale memories.

He's compartmentalising, he knows that, that he's bottling up all his guilt, regret, fear, hatred, all his _emotions_ \- they'll all come out, soon or mayber later, he doesn't know. But he's been doing it all his life - why stop now?

Anyway.

Rex said that he would come by with dinner. Cody stares angrily at the bacta patch on his fists; they’d come to a furious stalemate, glaring angrily at each other before Cody turned on his heel and walked away. He loves his brother, still, but his place at his Jedi’s side.

He wants to go to Obi-Wan. He’ll damn well find the idiot himself if he has to. Get away from this kriffing _rebel base_. He’s no rebel. He’s a soldier, and his place is at one Obi-Wan Kenobi’s side. To protect, to die for, to _love._

What _is_ love, anyway? It’s not some ethereal presence, some command from above, wherever or whoever that is. What Cody feels is the _need_ to have, hold, protect. On top of that, sure, he wants to see Obi-Wan’s smile every morning, the way his eyes crinkle at the corners when he actually _smiles_ , to run his hands through that ridiculous ginger hair of his. He wants to kiss him senseless, hold those calloused hands in his own. Wants to hear all those pretty sounds, wants to hear him swear like he does when he loses his vaunted Jedi control, be that in the middle of a battlefield or when he’s pinned down and arching. He likes it, the warm glow in his chest, his heart, his entire body, whenever he’s around Obi-Wan or even just thinking about him.

To him, that’s love. He loves his Jedi. He loves Obi-Wan Kenobi.

It’s _almost_ as simple as that.

He sighs, flopping onto his back. They’ve put him into a tiny _cell_ of a room; he understands the precaution behind it, but it makes him feel like a trapped animal. He hasn’t started pacing yet, or scratching dates into the walls, but it’s a near thing. He’s snapped at almost all the droids that have come to inquire after him. He knows that they’ll tell Rex, or whoever’s in charge, everything. That he's dangerous, feral, uncontrollable, etc. etc. He finds that he doesn’t care. Maybe he _is_ an animal without his general.

He hears Rex’s footsteps out in the corridor, but doesn’t get up, not even when the doors open. Carries on staring at the ceiling, stubborn, but his entire body tenses instinctively, ready to fight, to protect.

“Cody.” Rex sounds tired.

“Rex.” Cody doesn't let himself bristle, or even move.

“I brought food.”

Cody doesn’t blink. Don't. Move. _Don't show weakness_.

“Thanks.”

There’s an awkward silence as Rex sets the plate down on the tiny table. Then, there’s the sound of a chair being pulled back. Silence again, followed by a heavy sigh.

Cody tenses.

“Look. I’m sorry.”

Cody finally turns his head, staring at his brother.

“Really.” It was meant to be a question, but comes out flat. Disbelieving. Bitter.

“Yes. I’m sorry. It was... it was cruel of me.” He clears his throat, rubbing at his jaw. “He doesn’t deserve that and neither do you.”

Cody sits up abruptly, swinging his legs over the side of the bed. He’d wanted Rex to step back, be scared, be threatened by what he could do, would do. But Rex just carries on _looking_ at him, sad and broken. And with that, all of Cody’s resolve to fight tooth and nail to get back to his general disappears. He still will, if they don’t let him, but not at the expense of his brother.

“No, he doesn’t.” He manages a small smile and Rex stares back, startled. Cody can imagine that he doesn’t smile like a normal being anymore. “And for what it’s worth, I’m sorry too.”

“It was a solid punch, Codes.” Cody huffs as Rex teases him, if a little hesitant. “Okay, _several_ solid punches. You’ve learned, verd’ika.”

“Still older than you, so don't patronise me. _Rex'ika_.”

Rex wrinkles his nose.

“You were decanted like, a _minute_ before I was.”

“Still older.”

Rex snorts. 

“Whatever you say. But. I wanted to ask.” He swallows audibly and his eyes fix on the floor. In the silence, he can hear the murmur of the people in the corridor, the beat of his own heart. “You really love him, don’t you?”

Cody doesn’t even hesitate. Even as all the memories, hopes and dreams come tumbling back in, he doesn't pause.

“Yes. Yes I do.”

Rex looks up, right into his eyes. They stare at each other for a second before Cody can feel the tears building up, hot and scratchy behind his eyes, before they overflow.

“Oh, _Codes_.” Rex breathes as he scrambles over. There's a clatter as the chair he was just sitting on falls over.

Rex's arms go around him and Cody fists his hands in his brother’s jacket, pressing his face into his chest.

“I ordered him to be shot down.” He sobs. “I love him, he trusted me, he loved me, and I _betrayed him_. How is he gonna see me now?”

“Shh, _vod_ , it’ll be okay.”

“He’s so stupid, he probably blames himself, he probably hasn’t been taking care of himself at all, you know how he gets, he’s too forgiving and, and, he’s probably already forgiven all of us but I don’t know because _I’m not there with him_ , Rex, _I gotta be with him, he - he is ner’jetii, suvarir? We have to be tome, vod, suvarir?”_

“I know, shh.”

“You have to bring me to him, Rex.” Cody pulls away, dragging his face through his sleeve. “You have to.”

"I know." His brother says. "I'll try."

"I'll find him myself if I have to." Cody stares into Rex's eyes, watching hesitation, uncertainty and disbelief flicker through them before he sees something like _pride_ . "I will, Rex, I swear. _Haat, ijaa, haa'it._ "

"Gar serim." Rex pulls him in for a bone-crushing hug. "We'll find him."

They stay like that, embracing tightly, for a few more minutes. Cody squeezes his eyes shut and does his best not to cry, even as Rex sniffs.

"I love you." Cody says, finally. "Even though you're a bastard sometimes."

Rex snorts.

"Love you too, vod."

* * *

Cody can't sleep, again.

They're weaning him off the sedatives, so he does his best to fall asleep by himself; he tries everything he knows, every trick in the book, but he can't. His mind is too loud and there's something profoundly _wrong,_ alongside everything else. It takes him a moment to realise that it's because he's alone in bed. Obi-Wan isn't next to him, draped along his side and snuffling softly. He can't turn and press his nose into soft ginger hair that smelled powder-clean, like standard-issue shampoo. He can't tighten his arms around Obi-Wan, can't tangle their legs together and let Obi-Wan's head rest on his chest, or his shoulder. Hell, he can't press his face into his Jedi's neck, breathe in his gentle _tea-spice-undefined_ scent. Can't press lazy kisses into pale skin, unable to stop the smile from coming onto his face when Obi-Wan makes a soft _noise_ and his eyes half-open, their blue slowly being taken over by black pupils-

He groans and reaches for his pillow, fluffing it up before wrapping his arms around it. However, it is, unsurprisingly, a poor substitute and makes the _ache_ even worse. It gets damp under his cheek quickly, too. 

Belatedly, he realises that he's crying again.

“Obi-Wan.” He whispers to himself, in the depths of the night, when no-one else can hear. “Obi-Wan, where are you?”

No-one answers. It's just him and his thoughts. Him and his monochrome memories. 

He cries even harder.

* * *

Cody?

_It's like static. Radio underwater. Like he's drowning and someone is calling out to him from the surface._

Cody?

_He should swim up, towards the voice. That voice. He likes that voice. Obi-Wan has a nice voice. It’s all warm and golden, soothing. Like a calm ocean. Except when he’s sad, or angry, or being sarcastic, but he still likes it even then. It’s both a call-to-arms and a lullaby._

Force, Cody? You're alive?

Of course, _He answers as he floats upwards, into the sunlight, blinking away water when he breaks the surface. The sky above him is blue, blue like Obi-Wan's eyes but not quite, just a little clearer, not as complex, not as intricate, as his Jedi's._

 _His Jedi, who's sitting in a small, wooden boat. He's_ young _, huddling inside a robe that's just this side of too big. He hasn't got a beard, yet, his hair cropped short but just beginning to grow out. There's a braid trailing down onto his shoulder. He looks cute, but he’s not_ Cody’s _general, not yet._

_"Hi, Obi-Wan." Cody says. It comes out slow, almost dreamy and oh, he must be dreaming._

_"You're not dreaming." Obi-Wan murmurs. He's young and so is his voice, but it still carries that strong yet gentle undercurrent. "We're in the Force."_

_Cody takes a moment to digest that._

_"You look like jailbait." Cody murmurs instead and smiles at him. The words come out unbidden, dripping out like syrup. It's nice. Calm. "Miss your beard."_

_Obi-Wan smiles back, looking startled, like he expected anything but - that._

_“I miss it too.” His head tilts to the side. “Apparently the Force thinks that my true self is when I was a padawan, then.”_

_Cody hums, pensive._

_“You’re always_ you _with me.” The sky is really, really big here. “Even though you wear all those masks, you are_ always _yourself with me. But this is your place, so I’m seeing you as you see yourself, right? Still young, still inexperienced.”_

_Obi-Wan stares at him._

_"You were always perceptive. I was going to get you checked out for Force-sensitivity, but there was never the time.”_

_Cody waves a hand, vague. It’s perfectly dry, for some reason, not dripping water like he’d expected it to._

_“Maybe I just see_ you _, Obi-Wan.”_

_His Jedi shrugs, braid moving with his shoulders before falling into a new position, down his back, the end getting lost somewhere in the folds of his cloak._

_“I miss you.” He blurts, suddenly, eyes wide and so blue and earnest. “I thought you were." He swallows, shifting, and suddenly Cody's sitting opposite him in the boat as it rocks. "I thought you were_ gone _, Cody."_

_"Can't get rid of me that easily, general."_

_"Don't call me that." The retort is sharp, almost biting. "I'm no general. Not anymore."_

_"You'll always be to me." Cody continues to smile. "My general. Ner'jetii."_

_Obi-Wan sucks in a breath, eyes anywhere but on Cody's face._

_"_ Cody _."_

_"What?" Cody squints at him. "I love you. And, for what it's worth, I'm sorry. I have no idea what's going on, but I'll find you. I'll find you, Obi-Wan."_

_His Jedi turns away, looking out across the endless, bright blue ocean, its lights dancing and reflecting in his eyes. There are vague shapes on it, shifting and swirling, but they're far away. Cody tries to figure out what they are - or what they will be - but he can't. So instead, he turns and stares at Obi-Wan. A single tear slips down his general's cheek and Cody can't help it; he reaches out and brushes it away._

_Obi-Wan gasps and his hand comes up and grips Cody's wrist, tight, almost painfully so, keeping Cody's palm pressed against his face. Cody can vaguely feel the soft skin and sharp bones under it, but the impressions fade quickly. He doesn't quite understand how this all works..._

_"I'm on Tatooine." Obi-Wan’s voice is quiet, so much so that Cody can barely hear him. The boat sways gently in the waves. "In the caves. The Force is calm here. We could have been in the storm," he nods at the swirling clouds on the horizon, which are suddenly much closer than they were. Cody's skin prickles. "But we're not. We can't stay long, though. Someone might notice."_

_"I love you." Cody murmurs, again, a farewell as his hand slips away. "I'll find you, I_ promise _."_

_"I know." Obi-Wan rearranges himself, smiling that sad smile of his, the one where he looks like he's about to cry. "I love you too."_

_And Cody tumbles back into the water._

* * *

* * *

He comes back to his body in the cavern, lungs heaving in oxygen. The ground underneath him rocks, like lapping waves. He likes the feeling; it's soothing, a reminder that the Force is still there, with him.

Cody's face and words swim to the forefront of his mind. The way he smiled straight at him, squinting in the sunlight, scar crinkling. The way Cody brushed away his tears and he hadn't been able to resist keeping his hand there, feeling its warmth, its solid comfort, calloused fingertips rubbing small patterns into his skin as he whispered those damning, exalting words to him.

 _I'll find you_.

Cody always keeps his promises. Cody is a good man. 

_I love you._

He doesn't deserve it. But Cody, even half a galaxy away, even after everything that happened, is still willing to give it. He knows, he's always known, that Cody would do anything for him; at first, it had scared him; it still does, really, but after he realised that Cody had _chosen_ him, for some reason, _him_ specifically, the sharp unease had dulled. Only after he'd realised how _ruthless_ and even _vicious_ his commander could be in order to _protect_ had he almost balked - but even then, his place was at Cody's side. And Cody's place was with him, too, despite everything.

_I love you, I'll find you._

He gets up, the words giving him some sort of strength. His joints crack ominously and he rolls his back, wincing at the rolling series of popping noises that he not only hears but feels, too. 

He's not even forty and he feels not just old, but _ancient._

The names on the walls of the cavern seem a little less oppressive, now. The bright red light of the sunset that streams through isn't condescending, or condemning, but almost a new ray of hope.

He picks up his pack, clips his 'saber onto his belt and sets off through the winding tunnels, feet feeling light for the first time in a long while. It feels odd, like he's still floating on the ocean that is the Force, with Cody there, near him, loyal to a fault and so, so loving.

By the time he's out of the caves, night has fallen once more, the stars glittering high above his head, kyber crystals glowing in a dark blue haze. The cool wind brushes over him, picking at the tattered edges of his robe, brushing fingers through his hair, slipping past the newly-shaved, exposed skin of his face.

_I love you, I'll find you._

He looks up at the stars, his boots stirring up the dust at the edge of the galaxy.

 _I'll be waiting._ He thinks and closes his eyes. _I'll be waiting._

* * *

* * *

"Rex, he's on Tatooine."

Cody slaps the blaster away from his face and sees Rex frowning at him, nonplussed. On second thoughts, maybe he shouldn't have just busted into Rex's quarters - not just before breakfast but also without knocking or comming him. Whatever, it doesn’t matter - he's practically vibrating with energy, he _can go to his general now_ , Obi-Wan's alive and healthy enough for _Force walkies,_ as Rex had put it so long ago. He _needs_ to get to Obi-Wan, _now_.

Rex, on the other hand, is still thinking, the _di'kut_ , and oh yeah, how is he _still_ not a morning person?

"How- how do you know that?" 

"He went for a walkabout in the Force." Cody shakes his head. "Idiot."

He was aiming for stern but it comes out incredibly fond instead, as always. He's a very much single-edged blade, when it comes to his general. Too soft, too forgiving of him. Except for the Rako Hardeen stint, he- hadn't spoken to Obi-Wan for over a week and he wasn't proud of himself for that. Sure, Obi-Wan is the galaxy's biggest dick sometimes, but he does tend to apologise for it. And it’s never worth the _pain_ in his eyes, after.

Meanwhile, Rex’s expression softens, the tension draining from his posture.

"That explains so much." He mutters, eyes hazy with what must be a flickering slideshow of memories before clearing. "So, he's on Tatooine. We knew that, but where exactly? He's got to be in hiding."

"The caves." Cody replies promptly. "Rex, I gotta go to him, _soon._ He’s breaking apart, I could feel it."

"I know, I know," Rex puts a hand on his shoulder but Cody shrugs it off impatiently. "In good time, yeah?"

Cody crosses his arms, irritation flaring up sharp and hot inside him.

"So how long, then? Days, weeks, months, years?"

He didn't mean to snap and half expects a retort, but Rex just rubs the back of his head, pensive. He looks better than he used to, when Cody first saw him again maybe a month ago. Not great, still exhausted with bags under his eyes, but he shaved and re-dyed his hair. More professional, more like _Rex_.

"Two weeks max, Codes." He sighs. "I'm trying."

Silence fills the room again. Cody stops short; he'd been expecting a month or more, truth be told.

"Rex." He says softly. His brother looks up. "Thank you."

"Anything for you."

Cody hesitates briefly, then steps forward and hugs him tightly. Rex takes a moment, frozen in- shock? fatigue? but eventually his arms come up around Cody, holding him tight.

Sometimes, the force of his love and gratitude to Rex overwhelms Cody a little. Rex has done so much for him, has saved his ass multiple times, covered for him, been there for him, and yet Cody takes him for granted, almost. He may be an "emotionally stunted, ice-cold _bitch_ of a being", as Rex so lovingly put it that one time, but he does acknowledge his feelings more frequently now. He finds that, more often than not, it’s worth it.

"Love you." He mumbles against Rex's shoulder. "You're the best."

His heart breaks a little at the tiny snort he gets in response.

"Hell yeah I am, you sap." Rex grips him tighter. "Even though you know that's not true. You and Kenobi, _you're_ the two man gang."

"I can be in multiple gangs." Cody scoffs. "We're a gang. Me ‘n you, vod."

"Not anymore, Cody." Rex pulls away, expression weary and sad. "You know that. You put Kenobi over everything and everyone; you two are made for each other and I can make sure that you're back together, that's the least I can do. But I'm staying here, with the rebels. Ahsoka will be here too, soon. Maybe we'll get _our_ general back."

Cody looks away, away from the heartbreak and loss in his eyes.

"I'm sorry." He knocks his forehead against Rex's shoulder. "I'm so sorry. That I can't stay."

"Maybe I'll visit." Rex pats his back and Cody wrinkles his nose. "Really hope that you'll be wearing clothes when I do."

Cody punches him, lightly, but can’t help his smirk.

" _Ow_."

" _Nejo'haa_ , you big baby."

"If I'm a baby, you're a baby too, remember?"

"Still older than you, Rex'ika."

"Shut up."

* * *

“We’re gonna die, vod.”

Rex smirks at him for a second before his face disappears behind his bucket. Cody shoves his own on, half relieved at the familiar HUD, half claustrophobic. It’s not _his_ bucket, it’s a fresh, white one, like the ones shinies would wear. There isn’t a scratch on it and it unnerves him; he feels inexperienced and clumsy again, wearing somebody else’s armour.

“At least we’ll go out in style.”

“As Obi-Wan once said, _I don’t resent dying, but I resent dying unimpressively_.”

Rex laughs, the sound tinny through the vocoder. 

“That right there is your general in a nutshell, Cody, and I hate it.”

“Me too.” Cody spins around, testing the weight of the armour, grabbing the blaster off his back and holding it in position. It feels good, natural. This is what he was made to do. “It’s probably the only reason he’s still alive."

That’s all it takes to shatter the playful veneer. They both sober, straightening up.

“Right,” Rex moves to scratch the back of his head but his armour gets in the way. Cody snickers as he curses. “Well, I think our remembrances have been said, so we’re good to go and get ourselves blown up.”

“Get ourselves blown up _classily,_ you mean.”

“That. Come on, you adrenaline junkie.”

“You’re just as bad as I am."

They bicker all the way to the tiny freighter - Cody _hates_ those things _so much_. He’s glad that they get to destroy this one. 

The plan, vaguely, is to “crash land” on Tatooine - that seems to happen a lot, for some reason, so he doesn’t think there’ll be many questions asked - and then make their way from there. Rex will be the sole survivor, and a ‘merchant ship’ will come and pick him up - one of the rebels called in a very old favour, so Senator Organa pulled a few strings, here, some there, and they got it arranged. The only difficult bit is the whole “passing through enemy territory” thing, which they’re both quite skilled at, so Cody reckons that they’ll be fine.

They squeeze themselves through the tiny corridor, past a couple of doors, and into the cockpit, which is actually fairly spacious. There’s a cot in the corner, a cupboard with a medkit, and a door leading to a storage room. Rex makes a beeline for the pilot’s seat, while Cody makes his way over to the passenger side.

“Set course to Tatooine.” Rex barks to the navigation system as Cody straps in next to him.

_“Course set. Destination, Tatooine.”_

“We should be there in about two days, without complications.”

“Now that you’ve said that, we’re gonna nearly get exterminated by the Empire but escape by-” Cody holds up his index finger and thumb pressed together. “This much, and then _actually_ crash land on Tatooine.”

“That was the plan.”

Cody snorts.

“Figures.”

The lift off feels like getting shaken around like a bug in a jar - the only thing holding the buckets of bolts that people like to call “freighters” together is stubbornness and spite, and this one is no better than the rest. Cody, hasn’t been one for a long time, which was nice while it lasted. However, that means that he’s now slightly unused to the tossing and turning, so he resorts to gripping the arms of the chair to give himself a false sense of security. Rex, meanwhile, whoops.

“I hate you!” Cody yells over the noise of the engines, “This is a mission, not a, a, _podracing_ competition!”

“Sorry, I can’t hear you over all the _fun I’m having!”_

Cody scowls and grips the chair tighter.

A few minutes later, they’re out of the atmosphere. The racket and shaking stops, but Cody doesn’t relax until Rex, who’s humming happily under his breath, gears them into hyperspace.

“You fly like Skywalker, this is awful.”

Rex winces at the name and takes his bucket off - the smile he reveals is more of a grimace and Cody immediately feels bad for bringing _him_ up again. If he were in Rex’s place...he doesn’t want to think about the implications. He’d either be fighting with everything he had for the Empire, or shoving his blaster down his own throat. He doesn’t know which one, and doesn’t want to find out, ever.

“I learnt from the best.” Rex sets his helmet down on the floor with a decisive _clunk_.

“Sure you did. You fly like you wanna die every time you lift off.”

Rex scoffs and leans back in his seat, putting his feet up on the button-free section of the control panel.

“No I don’t, it’s called _fun_ , which is something I don’t think you’re, uh, _familiar with_.”

“Oh, _really_.”

Rex gags, waving him away.

“Gross.”

“Not what I was implying, but you’re on the way to making a very valid point.” Rex flips him off and Cody resists the urge to stick his tongue out at him, like he did when they were still young. There’s a few moments of silence. Cody stares out beyond the transparisteel, at the blue blurs of hyperspace streaking by. 

Rex beats him to it, eyes never straying from the control panel. His voice is deliberately neutral, careful, like he’s afraid to set Cody off or something. 

“So what’s it like, loving him?”

Cody shrugs, unsure of where to start. It’s not something he thinks or talks much about - it’s as easy as breathing, to him. 

He pokes at the helmet in his lap, fingers tapping quietly on the visor. It’s a phase two helmet, brand new, polish making it gleam. He remembers his own bucket, scratched from fighting and getting banged around, but sturdy, painted ochre. After a couple of deep breaths, he answers.

“It feels...natural. Not the _I-was-made-to-do-this_ natural, but, like it’s. How it was always supposed to be. Easy. That’s why he was so awkward about it at first, he didn’t want to ‘use me’ - but I. I don’t know. We weren’t taught this. We were taught to just _die_ for our generals, nothing beyond that.

“He made me feel like I had something not to _die_ for, but to live for.” He pauses, throat working. Rex stares at him, his worried frown fading, leaving behind some sort of...wistfulness. “But that was after everything else, after I had _wanted_ him for so long. Wanted to have him, hold him, you know the rest, Rex.”

“Yeah, you got drunk in 79’s and told me _everything_.” Rex smiles at him. “It was funny but sad, vod. I think you made Bly cry.”

“I made _you_ cry.”

“Did not.”

“Denial gets you nowhere, Rex. But. After it turned out that he, _he loved me back_ , it just felt like all the pieces snapped into place, you know? That feeling when you’ve put your armour on and all the little bits click together and you’re ready to face everything. Like that.”

The engine whirrs in the background. Cody clenches his hands and doesn’t say anything - there’s nothing else to say, and if there is, Cody doesn’t know how to say it, so he lets Rex mull over everything he just said. 

When Rex finally speaks, his voice is full of a mixture of awe and _fear_ , almost. Cody hears him turn around but doesn’t do the same, instead keeping his gaze fixed out there, on the screen.

“I always knew that he was your everything. Right from when I saw you see him for the first time, remember? After Geonosis. He walked in and you, I dunno, you just _stopped._ Pretty sure you weren’t breathing. From that point you wouldn’t even hesitate to kill anyone who even _looked_ at him sideways, no questions. I don’t think I’ll ever understand that, Codes, but I can respect it. You were quite close with the _buir,_ he named you and everything, after all. He said that you were gonna grow up and be a _true mandalorian_. You were his glory, beside Boba.”

Cody shrugs, not looking him in the eyes, remembering the bitter glances some of his brothers had sent his way whenever Jango would praise him, his eyes gleaming whenever he saw yet more evidence of Cody’s mercilessness. The way some even turned away - Snap, his bunkmate, hadn’t said a single word to him during the entire year they roomed together. That resentment was actually how he got his scar: in a scuffle with Bricker, so named for his unusually stocky figure. Bricker had managed to tackle him to the ground and Cody had almost ended up with a cracked skull, but had gotten away with a nasty slice. After that, Bricker had been sent to be reconditioned, yelling and crying. Cody had cried for a day after that, curled up in the corner until Rex found him again.

From then on, he didn’t show anything. Rex had laughed, as always, but Cody - he just couldn’t.

“I don’t regret being like this, Rex.” He squares his shoulders. “I don’t.”

“You shouldn’t. You’re _you_ , vod. Besides, if the general loves you, then what else matters?”

Cody wants to say _a lot does_. He wants to say _you matter to me_. Wants to say _the galaxy matters_. But he can’t, because he can never lie to Rex - they're not lies, exactly, but they don't come out. So he stays silent, and the lack of response condemns him.

Rex heaves in a breath, and the conversation stops for the next few hours. Cody sits next to him, silent, making lists in his head, _1, 2, 3,_ every outcome, every consequence, every little thing that could go wrong. _1, 2, 3._

Eventually, though, he stops listing _things_ and just ends up counting, numbers swirling hypnotically in his head.

“I remember someone once told me,” Rex starts quietly, voice cutting through the haze of _1, 2, 3, 27, 2224, 7567..._ Cody was just beginning to doze off, but cracks an eye open, questioning. “The most dangerous place in the galaxy is the distance between a soldier and his general. I didn’t really understand it, until you proved it to me.”

“Where there’s a will, there’s a way.” Cody stands up, abruptly, folding his arms behind him, a parody of his usual parade rest. “Always.”

* * *

Obi-Wan?

_He's back in the ocean, treading water lazily. The sky is endless above his head, clouded at the edges; storms gathering like bruises on the horizon. But the water around Cody is calm, warm, lapping soothingly at his neck._

_Obi-Wan is nowhere to be seen._

_Cody panics, a little. Surely he can't be here without Obi-Wan?_

_The water is deep. He looks down; it's crystal clear but there doesn't seem to be a bottom, just clear blue fading out into black._

_The water is a caress. Until it isn't._

_He swallows, paddling to keep his head above the suddenly choppy surface. He's tired, legs going numb already, the water cold, oh so cold and the clouds are nearer, now, gathering above his head. It's dark and the water is so deep and he doesn't know what's in there, what could come and find him, take him down, down-_

_His limbs are too heavy, like when he's been holding a blaster for too long. He's too tired. Too numb, the cold seeping into his bones._

_He drowns in silence._

_All he can see is the murky water, clear blue, swirling above him, choppy fractals of light as he floats down. All is silent._

_Perhaps that's his heartbeat. Maybe it's his imagination, filling in the blank space for him._

_He'll drift like this forever, it seems. Maybe someone will find him_ (Obi-Wan-) _. But the ocean is rather large, after all._

... Obi-Wan?

_Logically, he knows that he should breathe. The water presses down, a hand against his throat, a weight on his chest. But he just sinks down. The water is all it is; water. Nothing more. Not his grave, not his death sentence. It is indifferent._

_The light too. It is simply there. Hazy. Translucent. Silent._

_A farewell._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ner’jetii, suvarir - my jedi, understand?  
> tome - together  
> vod - brother  
> verd'ika - little soldier  
> Haat, ijaa, haa'it - truth, honor, vision - words used to seal a pact.  
> gar serim - of course  
> Nejo'haa - shut up


	3. so hold me tight, or don't

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1) this is now gonna be a sort of loose 'verse, wherein I explore the aspects of Cody's character. I'm already working on (nearly finished) another character study, which should be up soon.  
> 2) On a different note, thank you so much for the all the love (???) you guys!!! Your comments make me feel much more fulfilled than I actually am. And I'm glad I could, ah, stab y'all in the heart some more :)  
> 3) THANKS TO ALL OF YOU FOR READING AND I HOPE THIS LAST PART CAN HEAL YOUR HEARTS A TAD - sorry that it's a bit of a mess, though. Nonetheless, I hope you enjoy

He’s en route to Tatooine when he hears it - a sound that still makes his body snap into fight-or-flight response. It's the roaring of a 'ship going through the atmosphere at a too-high speed, one that either indicates a crash and more death, or droids - and more death.

He’s breaking and leaping off the speeder before he even realises what he’s doing, body moving on instinct, lightsaber in his hand as he stares at the sky. He deactivates it quickly. 

There’s an ancient Corellian freighter hurtling through the atmosphere. It doesn’t seem to be damaged, but it’s obviously going in for a crash landing, and the people inside it are probably going to die if - if he _doesn’t do something_. 

He tucks his ‘saber back onto his belt, covering it with his cloak and then throwing the hood up as he jumps back onto the speeder. He’ll be there, and the Force - the Force wants him to.

* * *

* * *

Cody is going to _kill_ Rex if they get out of this alive. He tells the man as much, but Rex just cackles. Cody doesn't know when he developed a death wish, but he has a feeling it wasn't recently. Six months feels like an awfully long time, though.

Still. He had woken up from the oddest nightmare in his life only ten minutes ago to Rex standing over him, hair bristling, eyes bright with adrenaline and anticipation.

"Welcome back to the land of the living," Rex had said, grinning with all of his teeth. "You're just in time."

Now, he's not much better. Cody _will_ kill him.

“Come on Codes!” His wayward brother, soon to be _dead_ wayward brother, yells over the noise of the low-altitude alarm. “Don’t you worry, we’ll be fine!”

“ _Osik!_ ” Cody snaps, gripping his blaster tightly. “ _Copaani mirshmure'cye, vod?”_

Just as Cody sees the dunes come hurtling into view, Rex slams the breaks down. They hit the ground with a bone-rattling wave of kinetic energy, tumbling over and over. The freighter holds, much to Cody’s surprise, even as the world rolls. They come to a stop, hanging upside down from their seats.

They _should be dead_. The freighter was going _way too fast_ for it to hold together - he's fairly sure there isn't any damage. 

He feels like he knows why, but he's not _quite_ sure, the solution hanging just out of his reach. Rex doesn't help, as usual.

“ _Ba'gedet'ye!”_ Rex is far too smug for someone who just nearly killed both of them - would've killed both of them...if...

“I hate you.”

Rex unbuckles himself from his seat and drops to the floor. Cody follows suit, feeling nauseous - he really isn't used to these types of situations anymore. They stagger over to the door, stepping into the corridor. It’s a bit surreal, walking along the ceiling of a ship - Cody’s done it once before, Obi-Wan cracking stupid jokes as he climbed over debris and expertly hid the fact that he was heavily injured. He'd collapsed after about an hour of lifting the heavy debris off of surviving brothers, bleeding through all fifteen thousand tunics, red staining the white.

Now, Rex seems unharmed as he kicks a few boxes out of the way, their contents rattling ominously. Cody scrambles after him, slinging his blaster over his shoulder as he goes. They pick their way over numerous other packages, some debris, most notably a piece of durasteel that came off the wall - finally, _some_ noticeable damage. The lack of screaming alarms and general smoke/fire is unnerving. There’s also a pile of weapons spilling out of a storage cupboard.

Before either of them can get to the doors, however, they burst in on themselves with a hideous screech of metal.

Cody has his blaster up and ready within a second, as does Rex - but then he sees the figure standing a few metres away from the freighter, arms out, crouched in his signature position, hood slipping off his head. There’s an upturned speeder a few paces behind him and he’s somehow bleeding from his forehead, and he’s gaunt, almost skeletal, beard gone, hair a tangled mess on his head, but he’s _alive_ and Cody would recognise him anywhere, at the end of the universe, in the middle of a battle, and now, months after seeing each other.

Cody’s blaster clatters to the floor. Beside him, Rex swears, loudly.

Obi-Wan slowly lowers his hands. They’re shaking, his whole body is shaking and he slumps, falling sideways onto the sand. Cody can see the way his chest is heaving. He must've been the one to save them.

_Still an idiot, then._ The thought is oddly clear, floating to the forefront of his mind even as all other cognitive processes stop.

Suddenly, Cody can’t breathe. His ears are ringing as he slowly pulls his helmet off, letting it drop to the ground next to the blaster. He takes one step forward, then another, heart pounding in his chest, a raw staccato against his ribs. Obi-Wan looks up at him, eyes so blue, and Cody drops to his knees. 

“Hello there.” Obi-Wan whispers, voice hoarse from disuse, eyes red-rimmed and fever-bright. They’re only inches away from each other, but it feels like a galaxy squeezed in between them, taut and ready to burst. Cody stares at him, into those familiar eyes, but their blue glass is now cracked, shattered, still recognisable for what it once was but never the same again. 

“ _Obi-Wan_.” He chokes out. There are tears welling up, inexorable, and he collapses forward, wrapping his arms around Obi-Wan’s too-thin body. His Jedi doesn’t respond in like, just lets himself be held, curling into Cody’s body. Cody can feel the tremors wracking him and holds on tighter, pressing his face into knotted hair that smells of dust and home.

Eventually, Obi-Wan moves even closer, arms coming up around Cody’s chest, tight enough to be a little painful, and they hold onto each other as they cry.

“Promised I’d find you.” Cody whispers, Obi-Wan trembling in his arms. “So I did.”

“Thank you.” The words are a distant echo, sounding from somewhere within a complex labyrinth that Cody will have to navigate to get to the source. But he knows the way by heart, still.

“Don’t.” Cody sits back, dragging Obi-Wan into his lap, letting his Jedi slump onto him, no longer holding up his own weight. Cody’s hand comes up to rub circles into his back, feeling the harsh ridge of his spine, even under so many layers. But Obi-Wan pulls back, if only a small distance, his eyes wet but confused. “Don’t say it like that. I am always going to find you, I can’t stay away, Obi-Wan, I love you, my place is by your side. _Ner’jetii. Ni kar'tayli gar darasuum._ ”

It’s a testament to how tired or broken his Jedi is that he just nods, not arguing, leaning back into Cody.

“ _Ni kar'tayli gar darasuum, balyc._ ”

Cody pulls back a little, searching Obi-Wan's face. He looks utterly _broken_ but there's a ghost of a smile on his lips.

Suddenly, the ringing in his ears is back, intensifying, and he can't breathe so he gulps in air and doesn't take his eyes off Obi-Wan. Meanwhile, the dam in his mind breaks, and everything comes rushing out, overwhelming him so that all he can do is clutch his Jedi, hide his face in tattered robes and chant _I'm sorry, I'm so, so, sorry_ like a prayer to a friendly deity.

"Shh, Cody." Obi-Wan's voice is hoarse and Cody, if anything, cries harder, heaving in oxygen but none of it gets in, bubbles drowning in his tears. Nitrogen-blue eyes swim in front of him. "Cody, I forgive you. You did nothing wrong, but I forgive you."

Cody holds him tighter and they melt together, so close that it's almost like they're one being with two erratically beating hearts.

Rex coughs awkwardly behind them and Cody suddenly realises where he is. He takes a deep, shaky breath, forcing his lungs outwards, then another, and another. The tears don't stop, but they let air in, now.

“Captain.” Obi-Wan mumbles from somewhere, thick and tired. They don’t let go of each other as Rex staggers over, dropping to his knees next to them, just like Cody did. Like a sinner begging forgiveness - but he hasn't done anything wrong, but Cody, _Cody did._ But Obi-Wan says their names in blessing. “ _Rex._ ”

"I'm sorry." Rex bows his head, helmet and blaster still back in the freighter, gauntlets cast aside somewhere. Obi-Wan stares at him, confused. "Obi-Wan. _I'm so sorry_."

"But you did nothing wrong." Obi-Wan frowns. Rex, however, shakes his head jerkily, tears making their way down his face. "Rex?"

"I blamed you." Rex turns away, _grief_ raw on his face. Cody's heart breaks even more for brother. "I don't, not anymore, but I was angry, because he- he was gone and so were you. But I'm _so sorry_."

"It's alright, Rex. I forgive you."

Rex slumps, his entire body shaking, but Cody beckons him closer with a shaky hand. Rex eventually scoots up, into a group hug. Obi-Wan is tense but slowly melting between them, head on Cody’s chest. Cody tightens his grip on the two of them, not wanting to ever let go. There's rough material under his cheek, hard vertebrae under one hand and the smooth surface of Rex's armour under the other. He can feel each shallow inhale Obi-Wan takes, their chests expanding in tandem, Obi-Wan's breath ghosting over his neck. Rex shifts and they're pressed even closer.

Rex is the first to get up. Obi-Wan tries to do the same but his legs buckle under him - Cody barely manages to catch him before he hits the ground. Okay, they’re doing this. He scoops his Jedi up into his arms, which earns him an indignant squawk - that much hasn’t changed, at least.

“I can walk, Cody-”

“With respect,” He bites back the _sir_ that threatens to tumble out. “You can’t even stand up, _cyare_.”

Obi-Wan makes an irritated noise and clings onto him. He’s far too light.

“Are you using the Force now?” Cody asks him. He doesn't want Obi-Wan to strain himself, but he also hopes that he's using it, because he's _far, far_ too light.

Obi-Wan sighs. He becomes fractionally heavier, a more solid presence against Cody. Cody tucks him closer and Rex snorts but expertly disguises it as a cough. Bastard.

“So where are we going?” He asks.

“The caves.” Obi-Wan points to the mountain range looming in the foreground. “You nearly crashed into them, you know. You fly like-”

He chokes on his words, eyes screwed shut. Rex’s expression shutters.

“Yeah.” Rex murmurs. “I know.”

* * *

* * *

They’re alone.

Rex left this morning, giving each of them a fierce hug and vowing to come back. Cody still half expects him to turn up, grinning in the Tatooine sunlight, cracking jokes and generally being _there_. But he’s gone, now, probably already in Mos Eisley, maybe even on the ship that Senator Organa was due to provide. 

Obi-Wan is sitting at the table, eyes glazed over. There’s a mug clutched in his hands and he’s sipping from it erratically.

Cody and Rex managed to clean him up a bit between the two of them, so he actually looks presentable, hair cropped to his nape, fringe no longer in his eyes. The ginger shine is back, if a little dull, and he’s still clean shaven - it makes him look impossibly young, oh so vulnerable. The bacta patch stuck on his forehead only adds to the effect, and he’s still far too thin, only picking at the food they’d given him. 

It turns out that there’s really not much to do. The first week they spent dragging supplies in from the freighter, Obi-Wan sitting on a rock and watching them, vacant. He’d asked how it was _out there_ and Rex had haltingly filled him in while Cody watched those blue eyes fill with helpless tears. He didn’t sleep at night, instead choosing to sit out on the rocks, head craned up to look at the stars. Cody couldn’t sleep, and neither could Rex, so in the end it was just the three of them, huddled together in a sort of companionable silence. Eventually, they’d dropped off, one by one. Cody always woke up tucked up in bed, Obi-Wan sitting quietly next to him with Rex, so maybe it was just him sleeping.

Now that it’s just the two of them, he’s not sure how things will go. They haven’t kissed, or even talked much, not that Cody’s particularly bothered about that - it’s enough to just be next to Obi-Wan, to be with him, at his side.

“Do you ever go into the caves?” Cody asks, suddenly. It’s curious - he can almost feel a _tug_ coming from them, and he knows for a fact that Obi-Wan has explored them at least once. 

“Yes.” Obi-Wan sets the mug down with a quiet thunk, staring right at Cody. “Let me show you.”

Cody stares in surprise as he gets up, chair scraping against the floor, and grabs his cloak before throwing a second one at Cody. He catches it easily and wraps it around himself, grabbing his blaster from the counter and tucking it into his belt out of habit. Obi-Wan unclips his lightsaber from its place on the wall, holding it with a white-knuckled grip like he’s afraid it’ll disappear, and silently slips out of the hut. 

Cody follows him over sand and rocks until they reach the entrance to the cave. Once they’re inside, Obi-Wan activates his ‘saber, the blue glow diffusing into the darkness.

“Watch your step.” 

Cody hums in reply and promptly trips over a rock, barely catching himself. That gets a startled bark of laughter out of Obi-Wan - the first in the eight days since they were reunited. Cody doesn’t hide his smile as he looks up at Obi-Wan, who smiles back hesitantly, a mere twitch of his lips - but better than nothing. Cody’s own grin widens.

“Come on, Cody.” Obi-Wan sighs, almost fond, and spins on his heel.

He moves two steps before Cody realises.

“You said my name right.” Cody blurts, stopping short. He didn’t notice that before. And this probably isn’t the time for this discussion, but Obi-Wan turns around to stare at him curiously.

“What do you mean?” His eyes are dark in the saberlight. He frowns. “ _Co_ -dy. Cod- _y_. I don’t see it. _Cody_. Cody.”

He sounds like he’s... _tasting_ the word, rolling it around in his mouth, stretching it. Cody shivers, goosebumps rolling down his arms - it feels _right_ and _good_ and no-one has said his name like that for _so long_.

“You did it again!” Cody exclaims, elated for some reason. He still doesn’t understand what he’s saying. But it _does_ sound right, maybe it’s the inflection, or the tone, he doesn’t know.

Obi-Wan blinks, obviously confused. 

“Cody.” He sets his ‘saber down on a flat rock, the blue haze casting angular shadows on his face, showing just how gaunt he is, but Cody doesn’t care, Obi-Wan said his name _just so_ and he feels like his entire soul has finally lit up.

“Say it again.” He almost begs, breathless, stepping closer, closer so that Obi-Wan has to look up at him a little, their height difference just enough for that to happen. He lays a hand, feather-light, on Obi-Wan’s shoulder and his Jedi shivers, shifting a tiny bit closer. They’re sharing air, now, Obi-Wan’s eyes wide as he stares at him. “ _Please_.”

Obi-Wan said his name like a blessing, a reply to a prayer, before that. Benevolent, but distant. Now, he says it like it's _Cody's_ name, no, _their_ name; he's saying it like he and Cody are- are _together_ , like he did before, and he can't explain even to _himself,_ doesn't make sense, but he's saying it _right_ and that's all that matters. 

“ _Cody_.” Obi-Wan breathes, and their noses brush. Cody’s hands settle on his Jedi’s hips and Obi-Wan makes a tiny noise. 

“Can I. Can I kiss you?” Cody manages, voice cracking and deeper than usual, vibrating between them. 

“Yes.” Obi-Wan whispers. 

Cody kisses him. It’s gentle at first, just brushing lips, then Obi-Wan makes a minute, pleased sound that Cody knows means _more_ and he all but crushes them together. Obi-Wan winds his arms around Cody’s neck, whining in the back of his throat and _gods_ , he didn’t realise how much he missed this. He backs them up until Obi-Wan’s back is pressed against the wall of the cave and Cody's hands move up to either side of his head. They separate, panting and Obi-Wan whines softly, hair falling over his forehead as he stares up at Cody, lips black in the saberlight. 

“ _Cody_.”

“Say my name like that and we’re not going anywhere anytime soon.” Cody tells him breathlessly, diving back in for another kiss.

“I believe.” Obi-Wan scrabbles at Cody’s shoulders again, sounding more like himself. “That I’m more than okay with that.”

They don’t last long. Cody ends up sitting against the wall with Obi-Wan sprawled, boneless, between his legs, head lolling backwards onto his shoulder.

“We should probably get back, or go to whatever you wanted to show me.” Cody tells him. His voice is breathy, and okay, that makes sense, given what they’ve just been doing. 

Obi-Wan just hums, burrowing closer into Cody, who tightens his hold on the Jedi a little, which earns him a contented noise. 

“Obi-Wan.”

The Jedi twists in his arms, close enough for Cody to be able to count all of his freckles, see all the patterns in them. His eyes are very, very blue in the saberlight - which reminds him of exactly where they are.

“You say my name like it’s something precious.” Obi-Wan’s hand comes up to rest on Cody’s face and Cody covers it with his own, weaving their fingers together and squeezing before untangling them and wrapping his fingers around Obi-Wan’s wrist. He brushes kisses over sharp knuckles, the rough skin of the back of his Jedi’s hand, mouths at his palm. Obi-Wan trembles.

“That’s because it is, Obi-Wan.” Obi-Wan’s eyes flutter closed and he turns away, but Cody’s other hand comes up to grip his chin, tilting it up. “No, look at me. You’re precious to me. I love you with everything I have, and you don’t have to earn it, you don’t have to be worth it. Even if you did, you’re definitely worth it, you earned it so long ago, when you were born, then with everything you've done for the universe, the galaxy, for my brothers, for everyone you know, knew. For _me_.”

“Cody-”

“You’re _everything_ , Obi-Wan.” Cody tells him firmly, unwavering. “You’re my everything, my life, my light, _everything_.”

“We shouldn’t be having this conversation in a cave tunnel, should we?” Obi-Wan laughs, somewhat tearful. Cody smiles at him.

“Probably not, but it doesn’t change it’s, uh, _verity_.”

Obi-Wan snorts.

“Big word there, _darling_.” There it, that old spark. Cody _aches_ with how much he's missed it.

“Big man, big brain, big words.”

“You are maybe a _centimetre_ taller than I am, Cody.”

“Make it six, cyare.”

Obi-Wan glares at him and gets to his feet, straightening his robes. Cody hauls himself up after him, grinning. 

“I wanted to show you something.” Obi-Wan swipes his ‘saber up off the rock he left it on. “Come on then, _Cody_.”

Cody sighs and follows him, into the gloom. ( _He'll follow obi-Wan anywhere, until the end of time, to the end of the universe)._

They walk for maybe half an hour, weaving through debris and crevices. Finally, Obi-Wan turns into a dead-end, into a huge chamber. He switches the ‘saber off, and as Cody’s eyes adjust, he can see why. There's light filtering in from high above, slicing through the darkness, almost like rare sunlight through the dark, turbulent depths of Kamino's ocean. Most of the place is taken up by a pool - large enough to be a small lake, really - of clear water, its surface smooth and unwrinkled. Calm. 

Then, Cody sees the walls.

They’re covered in names, neat rows in some places but shaky messes in others. They are the names of Jedi and brothers alike, and his head spins because Obi-Wan must have spent _so long_ on this and yet he _finished_ it, despite his shattered soul ( _one day, Cody will finally collect all of the pieces that are left and hold them together with his own two hands_ ) and beaten body. His heart swells at the realisation that Obi-Wan remembered all of these beings. 

“I’ve taken to calling it _‘the Patchwork of Lost Souls’_.” Obi-Wan murmurs quietly from behind him.

“Yeah.” Cody follows the brightest beam of sunlight, squinting slightly to make out the names there. "That's. A good title."

His breath catches.

_Anakin Skywalker_ , it reads in shaky letters, and then, just above it - _Cody_.

"I'm sorry." Obi-Wan doesn't look at him, instead turning away to stare into the water.

"It's fine." Cody takes his elbow but doesn't make any moves other than that. Obi-Wan shrugs, jerky. "Obi-Wan. I was as good as gone."

"I know." Obi-Wan's voice cracks, and, _oh,_ "I _know_."

He spins around, knocking Cody off balance but catching him by the shoulders, eyes dark and troubled. 

"Say you won't leave." He searches Cody's face, eyes glistening wetly. "Say it. Promise me you won't leave."

"I won't leave," Cody murmurs and Obi-Wan sobs, head hanging down, shoulders shaking. Cody steps forward and hugs him tightly. They end up pressed together thigh-to-shoulder, and Cody can feel Obi-Wan's hipbones digging into the top of his thighs. Obi-Wan's fingers dig into his back and his head ends up nestled in the crook of Cody's neck, his eyelashes wet against Cody's skin. Cody rocks them side to side, pressing his cheek against Obi-Wan's hair. "I won't leave you, Obi-Wan, ever again. Not by own will, I'll never leave you."

They hold on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> osik - crap  
> Copaani mirshmure'cye, vod? - Are you looking for a smack in the face, mate?  
> Ba'gedet'ye - you're welcome  
> Ni kar'tayli gar darasuum (balyc) - I love you forever (also/as well)  
> cyare - sweetheart, beloved

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading!  
> please leave kudos and comments, they make my day and help me keep writing :)  
> if you wanna yell, or just talk, feel free to drop by on Tumblr, [here](https://thedisasternerd.tumblr.com)


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